Poles Apart: Rehearsals Commencing Soon

Well, here we are again, one more weekend at home before popping off to Manchester to rehearse Poles Apart.

I've spent most of this week either re-learning my lines (which has come surprisingly easily I am grateful to say), checking over the statistical details of the show (there is always a know-it-all in the audience), or writing new material.

Mark and I decided that it would be remiss of us to let the election of two British Nazi Party MEPs pass unmentioned in a show that is about immigration, especially as the BNP are so obsessed with immigration and race and fundamentally, upon close inspection, their policies and ideas are actually really quite amusing in a backward, oh my God did they really just say that, kind of way.

Although the downside of this was pouring over BNP policy and press releases to get a decent handle on their bizarre dogma (anyone for chain gangs to restore our coastal defences?) whilst trying to make jokes out of it, when it is already pretty ridiculous and poorly thought out in the first place.

Once written we then had to find a home for them in what is a pretty tight show but I think we've found good homes for the three BNP scenes, which are (not wanting to spoil anything for those coming to watch): a Nick Griffin musical medley, an insight into the night the BNP won two seats in the European Parliamentary Elections and finally, what happens when a Nazi tries to join the BNP.

Blogging will be light obviously over the coming week as I am deep into rehearsals but if you can, please do show your support for Poles Apart and come and see us in Manchester on the 26th November (which is nearly sold out I've been told) and London on the 27th and 28th November (which isn't, not yet anyway).

Do widzenia!

Internet Laws Part 3: DeMyer's Laws

Ken DeMyer is a terrible online hack and his uniquely awful writing style has influenced a whole raft of laws in his name, which are best observed by anyone who doesn't want to come across as a bit of a crank and Internet loon. DeMyer's Laws are as follows...

DeMyer's Zeroth Law of Internet Debating states:

“If you are Ken DeMyer...or another of Kenneth DeMyer's aliases, the debate will eventually reach a state where you violate one of the internet laws and you are going to lose.”

DeMyer's First Law of Internet Debating states:

“Anyone who brings Young Earth Creationism into an argument - that is not about creation, the origins of life or the age of Earth - requires no further serious consideration and is deemed to have lost the argument.”

DeMyer's Second Law of Internet Debating states:

“Anyone who posts an argument on the internet which is largely quotations, can be very safely ignored and is deemed to have lost the argument before it has begun.” (On a personal level I have extensive experience of dealing with bloggers that use this terrible tactic, which runs hand in hand with the Argument From Authority fallacy)

DeMyer's Third Law of Internet Debating states:

“Anyone who posts a picture with a caption which does anything other than describe the picture is deemed to have already lost on the point they were trying to make and it can be ignored."

Internet Laws Part 2: Cohen's Law

WARNING! THIS LAW IS INFINITELY RECURSES AND MAY END UP DESTROYING YOUR MIND!

Formulated by Brian Cohen in 2007, Cohen's Law states that:

“Whoever resorts to the argument that ‘whoever resorts to the argument that (insert idea here) has automatically lost the debate’ has automatically lost the debate.”

Has also been stated in the much longer version:

"Whoever resorts to the argument that 'whoever resorts to the argument that... 'whoever resorts to the argument that... 'whoever resorts to the argument that... 'whoever resorts to the argument that ... 'whoever resorts to the argument that... ...has automatically lost the debate' ...has automatically lost the debate' ...has automatically lost the debate' ...has automatically lost the debate' ...has automatically lost the debate' has automatically lost the debate."

Poles Apart Redux

As some of you will already know, because I emailed you and you kindly publicised it on your blogs and websites, Poles Apart is being brought out of retirement after it's sell-out tour of the UK at the beginning of this year.

For an insight into the show from Blurred Clarity itself, check out this raft of posts that cover the last time we toured, the devising/rehearsal process and when the idea first popped up and our time in Poland.

And just in case you don't know, last year, sick and tired of the endless dirge of bigotry, lies and anti-Polish sentiment coming from the right-wing press, me and my mate Mark decided to go to Poland. We wanted to get a job; to put our money where our mouth is and garner a small taste of what it means to be an immigrant. We wanted to single-handedly reverse the Eastern European immigration trend.

So we got our CVs and covering letters translated (badly as it turned out) into Polish, put on our best interview clobber and made our way to Poland in a Vauxhall Astra.

We spent over two weeks as immigrants in Warsaw, ate a lot of lard and pigs feet and attempted to get any job we could, whether it be as a lift operator, a porn film star or a guttering and flues salesperson.

It was an amazing adventure that taught us much on the realities of life as an immigrant.

We eventually returned home and made a comedy show about our experiences that covers not only our time as economic migrants but documents the history of Poland, it’s 300 year relationship with the UK and the highly charged immigration debate in the UK.

The show contains Poland’s brightest new stand-up comedy star: Dariusz Drag, with jokes about Russians and Jews, a beginner’s guide to Polish culture, Political Correctness being wrestled to the floor and made to gag, the 1973 World Cup qualifier between England and Poland brought to life in front of your very eyes and Poland’s leading avant-garde theatre cooperative re-creating the invention of the Keroesne Lamp via interpative dance and extensive harmonica use.

Plus, Nick Griffin, avec eye patch, will be appearing to stroke his mandolin and sing his favourite ballad: “I’m Not Racist But…”

It’s on at The Lowry in Manchester on the 26th November at 7:45pm and the RichMix theatre in London on the 27th and 28th November at 7:30pm and if you've not had a chance to see me and Mark in action why not pop along and support us? It would be much appreciated and you do come, make sure you stick around after to make yourself known...if I don't know you already that is...

To wet your whistle, how about a few videos of our adventure and the show itself?


Poles Apart from Hard Graft Theatre on Vimeo.


Poles Apart Trailer from Andonis Anthony on Vimeo.

And if you're on that new fangled facebook thingy, get yourself in on the event group why don't ya?

Bible Study: Modernity Doesn't get it

I know it has been a rather sporadic series of posts but today marks the final Bible Study post, the others can be found, in order of tracking the history of the Bible, at these places: And in the Beginning..., NewTestament, Humans Are Too Stupid and A Very Confusing Book Indeed.

The current modern Biblical malaise stems from a desire for certainty, as if to combat scientific certainty (which in itself is not totally certain) and to a degree, this has bred the modern, defensive Christian, who feels under siege from science and indeed modernity and has entrenched themselves in the warm comfort of Biblical dogma and apocalyptic visions. No longer is the Bible an act of faith in itself but an act of intellectual submission to a set of beliefs ruled errorless and binding.

This desperation had led to a disgusting distortion of the scriptural tradition, as witnessed in the idea of the Rapture and whereas in the past, the less than humane parts of the Bible were passed over or treated with exegesis, modern faith has actively sought these portions out and has invoked them ahistorically and literally.

Quite simply, the Bible is not there to back up political policy, doctrines or beliefs; it is an activity unto itself and not one to be abused as a mere block quote, to justify some insane position or another. The fundamentalist emphasis on the literal, which is ever restricting and limiting, is a breach with the long tradition of the figurative and the innovative.

It has not all been one way traffic though, modernity, with all of its advancements, has brought about unprecedented violence and tools of destruction, these have coloured interpretations of the Bible, apocalypse became a reality and the violence of modernity has in turn made the Bible more violently interpreted.

Modernity's assumptions about the Bible are, for the most part, horribly incorrect. The slavish conformity and dogma that is much of its current incarnation have little to do with Biblical tradition, the Bible is anti-orthodoxy and was always supposed to be contradictory and conflicting but more importantly it was supposed to be interactive and ever changing.

We have a long way to go to get back to that kind of subtle interpretation...

Page 3 Propaganda (Video Does Contain Boobs)

This is a great piece of work by Tim Ireland of Bloggerheads, a short film that exposes the long history of using the Page 3 girls as mouthpieces for political propaganda; brainwashing their readers with boobage, as Tim calls it.

You may laugh but this insidious tactic sums up the back hand way The Scum works to spread myths and whoever's political agenda it is currently backing, as Tim says:

"Since 2003, the Page 3 feature in The Sun has carried an item called 'News in Briefs' instead of the usual pun-filled caption of days of yore. Even the title itself is a lie; this 'news' item rarely carries news, and instead carries an editorial/opinion (an important distinction to make, especially when dealing with media owner Rupert Murdoch, the father of FOX News).

We are not saying that a young woman with her tits out is not allowed to have an opinion; far from it. We are instead asking, if Page 3 is as 'empowering' as some people claim, then why aren't these women allowed to choose which issue(s) they discuss and/or express their own opinion about that when appearing on Page 3?

At present, they are clearly often (if not always) compelled to echo/repeat the opinions of Rupert Murdoch, Rebekah Wade, Dominic Mohan, Graham Dudman, or whoever else is calling the shots that day. This is not empowerment; rather, it is exploitation.

We challenge The Sun to allow Page 3 girls to use their paid appearance(s) in that tabloid as a personal/political platform, just as they do for columnists such as Jeremy Clarkson, Jon Gaunt, Lorraine Kelly and Jane Moore.

If there is to be editorial content on Page 3, then it should be clearly labelled as opinion (not news) and it should always be the heartfelt, unprompted opinion of the woman whose name, face and tits are being used to sell the idea. End of.

Any standard less than this exploits these women and cheats the readers."

Page 3 :: Girls + Words from Tim Ireland on Vimeo.

Internet Laws Part 1: The Law of Exclamation

"The more exclamation points used in an email (or other posting), the more likely it is a complete lie. This is also true for excessive capital letters."

This law is related to author Terry Pratchett's field test for insanity, in which an increasing number of exclamation marks from one to five indicates increased separation from reality, with five exclamation marks being an infallible indicator of the speaker or writer being "someone who wears their underwear on the outside".

Other examples of The Law of Exclamation include phrases such as: "this is true, it ACTUALLY HAPPENED to me!!!!" or "This is SPOOKY!!! I thought it was just an urban legend, but it isn't!!!!".