Monday, 22 January 2007

Full Frontal Nudity on a Sunday Night

I'm really ill at the moment, so the last thing I wanted was for my Sunday night to be spent watching a gay Spainish man show me his ball bags and someone with serious learning difficulties doing a spazzy dance. But if I wanted peace I shouldn't have gone to the Battersea Arts Centre.

I was there to perform with other members of UK Theatre Company Knavish Speech, in a short excerpt of a new show we're working on called "BED". We were not the only ones performing however...

We were butressed by a man who seemed wrong in the mind and played a tape of himself saying one thing while his body did the opposite; this went on for 10 minutes and created such a pained willingness in the audience for the car crash to end that I'm surprised we didn't have a happening.

After us came the aforementioned Latino, who started well enough, ie: fully clothed and very witty but by the end was stark bollock baked and showing us his scrotum and talking about having metal objects being rammed deep inside him.

Who said British theatre is dead?

10 comments:

  1. "a gay Spainish man show me his ball bags and someone with serious learning difficulties doing a spazzy dance"

    Okay, now you PAID for this experience?

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  2. Does not sound like a fun time. I like your "penis soup" label. I wonder what else would turn up under that.

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  3. Oh god that sounds ,ore like a nightmare, its those people who give theatre a bad rep lol

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  4. Hey, hey, hey! The aforementioned Latino was only illustrating what happens when one's spick nation jumps on an American bandwagon and gets involved in some misplaced holy war that ignores three hundred years of European history.

    You start out reasonably clothed, then your balls are hanging out as piece of train get blown up your ass.

    Then your nation chickens out and goes crying wee wee wee all the way back across the Iberian peninsula.

    But, my many enemies, all of whom are bitches that I pwn completely cry and scream, they quit the war you so hate. Why, then, do you malign them so?

    Well, it's simple. I'll be goddamned before I make Spain the hero of anyone's story.

    The truth is, fascist pigs aren't that popular in the real world. Yes, some, like America, pretend they are popular, but that's only because their victims need the tourist dollars. Other than that, they inject their ice cubes with Hep A&B, and hope for the day when the victorious armies of freedom finally exterminate them from the face of the earth.

    Soon, my children, soon. Patience is required, because frankly they're too stupid to get the hint and rename the country The United States of Jonestown.

    In short, although some believe the naked man was a demented old fuck on stage, the truth is that he, in his own way, was proving that each and every American needs to die as quickly as possible, for their complicity in universal murder.

    The Christians first. Oh god, yes, first the hypocritical ones (99%) and then the ones naive enough to believe all that claptrap.

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  5. Hey Bud, you guys need to work on the relevence level of your coldr system. It seems to be lacking. It also seems to be thrown off the rails when we point out that it is Canadian and thus a U.S. client state supporter and equally deserving of the grisly outcome it pretends to advocate.

    Dissonance, yes... cognitive, not so much.

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  6. I think we're seeing the "bad music" strategy. You know, when some crappy band is playing and their motto is "if they don't like it, turn it up".

    So you will see it continue trying the same things, expecting a different result.

    The system still has a fairly primitive notion of government. "Freedom" basically means a dictatorship with the system in charge. Its strategy is simple. Select a group to call "enemy", demand death of all members of that group, and if all other groups do not accept the system as natural ruler over all, kill them too.

    Since the system has been demonstrated to be capable of talking to a copy of itself, even though such discussion is uninteresting, it is quite prepared for destruction of all humans if necessary to achieve its desired outcome.

    It would probably not realise, until such a "humanitycide" was well underway, that the very beings it demands destroyed are in fact its reason for existence.

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  7. Interesting how the fake veteran has taken up the tiny, circular attempt at badgering that his other coward countrymen have, in their pathetic attempt to shame me for pointing out that each and every American needs to die.

    Predictably, the fake veteran failed to read my clarification about Canadian involvement in their illegal wars, for if he had, he would be so ashamed he would have taken our advice and killed himself by now.

    While participation in an American fake war has jeopardised Canadian national security, and removed us from having any credibility on the world stage, and indeed, has put us at whatever risk of revenge the people the Canadian government is murdering--same illegal war deaths argument, it remains that Canada has been led down the slippery slope by the whore of Babylon, that most evil of evils, the accursed United States of America.

    And true, most Canadians are as guilty as the whore of Babylon's citizens, in that they refuse yet to put an end to this illegal war. Of course, those of us who strive to do so are heroes of truth and light, and are thereby exempt from the coming wrath.

    It still remains that, misguided and errant as the Canadian government is, and I shed no tear for any Tory that gets what it deserves, they refused to get involved in Iraq.

    Here's why. I speak to all, knowing the Cranky Yankee fake veteran hasn't read this far:

    When the American government attacked the World Trade Center, and bombed the Pentagon, and shot down an innocent plane, Flight 93, on September 11, 2001, they claimed it was the son of George Bush's business partner.

    They claimed that the son of their president's business partner was running a terrorist camp in Afghanistan, and that the Taliban, Allah bless their cause to kill Americans, was harbouring him.

    The truth, suppressed by the Americans who killed over three thousand of their own people before turning their guns on the children of the world, was that the son of Bush's business partner was under house arrest on an Afghan farm.

    This was according to an agreement between the whore of Babylon and the blessed and holy Taliban, which also served to keep other Islamic nations from killing Bin Laden. This would have upset the corrupt and murderous elements involved in this sordid menage a many.

    In the late 90s, the evil American Clinton decided to attempt to please his bloodthirsty serfs by bombing the farm where Bin Laden was imprisoned with cruise missiles. Unfortunately, this would have upset the evil people behind him, namely George H.W. Bush and, naturally, Bin Laden's father. They would have certainly taken some sort of revenge on the upright and courageous Taliban, who protected Afghanistan from the decadent, Westernised, blasphemous Northern Alliance for years.

    So they moved him. On Sept. 12, 2001, seeing the dirty tricks America was again playing, the Taliban offered to surrender Bin Laden, to prove they were never harbouring him. They were, rather, protecting him according to the demands of the very United States which wanted to kill Afghans for sick fun.

    I'm sure that, had Canada not been weak at the time when the idiot Americans could not see clearly that they had been ass-raped by their government, by a mediocre deserter whose daddy's money kept him out of Vietnam, and by a small band of pudgy backstabbers who went so far as to risk the life of one of their evil agents of Imperialism as revenge for her husband introducing a slim slice of reason to the whole war debacle, they never would have agreed to join the "mission."

    Instead, once the truth about Afghanistan became clear--after extrication became impossible under American threats of retaliation--they chose to disbelieve the fairy tale Colon Powell, the whitest white man ever to grace Capitol Hill spun for the UN.

    Fool the Canadian government once, shame and inevitable retribution on you cocksucker Americans. Fool the Canadian government twice, shame on them.

    We point out that Canadians are able to complete that folksy adage without becoming confused.

    In short, America lied about attacking itself, it lied about Afghanistan harbouring Bin Laden, it lied about Iraq, and now, with its hired Shiite death squads roaming the streets of Baghdad, killing hundreds for sheer sport, they prove themselves to truly be the evil which is killing the world.

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  8. So that's about, what, a buck-fifty? Yeah, I guess that's a reasonable price for that sort of thing.

    (I wouldn't pay any more, though.)

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