Monday, 5 February 2007

It Was Like Being in The Matrix

I was on the tube and some teenage lads were messing about, fair enough, its what being young is all about and I took my seat in another carriage so as not to be disturbed by the hepped-up youths.

But disturbed I was as their boiled sweet throwing shenanigans spilt into my section of the train and my shoe was hit by a misfired bit of candy. I had a quick decision to make: ignore the fact that the annoying kids were messing around with the peace and quiet of my journey and risk getting hit by more stray sweets or put an end to this nonsense immediately with a good bit of shouting and swearing. I choose the second option.

So swear and shout I did and the youths quickly disappeared back into the next carriage and bizarrely also stopped messing about in that one too; a lovely, small victory in the war on ignorance. Or was it?

The lads piled off at South Woodford and as they walked past the open door of my carriage, one of them prepared to lob a sweet in my direction. I looked up at the ugly mutt and watched as he threw the treat at me, it looped through the air, heading for my chest and in a flash I caught it. Without thinking I ran to the open door and took aim before unleashing the inch long locket straight into the face of the offending young man who let out a painful yelp.

This feat of Matrix style skill was too much for his pals who proceeded to leg it, along with their blinded mate. They hovered at the end of the platform when they realised I wasn’t going to follow them (I had places to be) and with the tube doors safely shut and the train moving they chased after my carriage to shout abuse and give me the finger to which I slowly and simply drew my finger across my neck and pointed to the brat holding his sweet damaged eye.

One-nil to a thirty year old man threatening 16 year old boys…

19 comments:

  1. I love the story, and cheer for you!

    I also request you retract the last sentence. A pack of 16-year-olds are a dangerous thing for people of any age. As a group they have the potential to inflict severe damage.

    I also suggest that, as cool as the move was, it's more remiscent of Kurt Russell's Jack Burton in "Big Trouble in Little China" than Keanu's Neo.

    Either way, exceedingly cool move, dude.

    yeharr

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  2. That's my policy too, James. Honestly, I'm afraid of someday being humiliated by minority (white kids are obnoxious in different ways) teenagers on the subway.

    I had a similar confrontation one day a few years ago on the train.

    I'll try my best to ignore it but as soon as something effects me physically, all bets are off. Yeah, I'll hit a minor. But that's always why I ignored the illegal Mexicans on my block whistling at my girl: you don't know how many of those motherf*ckers are going to come out of the woodwork for the beatdown.

    I bet you're feeling really "worthy" right now, grasshopper.

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  3. What a great situation. I wish I was there.

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  4. ...and smitty, AKA col.dr. is a nobody.

    Ha!

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  6. Did somebody say something? Oh yeah, "eeeeeeeeeeee......aaaaaaaaaaaaaaw........pop.........whistle."

    col.dr. you call that a blog? How sad is it the you shameless plug your own misery.

    Ha!

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  7. Daniel,

    This post rocked! Good move; I agree about 16-yr-olds, they are effing mini-adults these days!!

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  8. What a brilliant story! VICTORY!!!
    I hate twats on the tube! You go you hippin, hoppin, matrixin gangsta! :-D xxxx

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  9. Daniel, have you ever been "happy slapped?"

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  10. The problem with "Happy Slapping" Daniel would be the warning he would get as the youths get a step ladder to reach him.

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  11. Sweet,i love to see the tuffies get sorted.

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  12. I'm enjoying leaning new ways to word things here....tuffies, sorted, happy slapped. An education this is.

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  13. blow me, smitty. Oh wait, your mouth's not THAT big.

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  14. Fight candy with candy.

    16-year-olds bring out the best and worst of all of us. Usually both, as I know is the case for you.

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  15. I've been thinking too much about those kids who harrassed you (and vice versa, to be fair). I bet they'll see you on some advertisement and brag to all their friends about their six-degrees-of-separation from James Bond.

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