I was on the tube and some teenage lads were messing about, fair enough, its what being young is all about and I took my seat in another carriage so as not to be disturbed by the hepped-up youths.
But disturbed I was as their boiled sweet throwing shenanigans spilt into my section of the train and my shoe was hit by a misfired bit of candy. I had a quick decision to make: ignore the fact that the annoying kids were messing around with the peace and quiet of my journey and risk getting hit by more stray sweets or put an end to this nonsense immediately with a good bit of shouting and swearing. I choose the second option.
So swear and shout I did and the youths quickly disappeared back into the next carriage and bizarrely also stopped messing about in that one too; a lovely, small victory in the war on ignorance. Or was it?
The lads piled off at South Woodford and as they walked past the open door of my carriage, one of them prepared to lob a sweet in my direction. I looked up at the ugly mutt and watched as he threw the treat at me, it looped through the air, heading for my chest and in a flash I caught it. Without thinking I ran to the open door and took aim before unleashing the inch long locket straight into the face of the offending young man who let out a painful yelp.
This feat of Matrix style skill was too much for his pals who proceeded to leg it, along with their blinded mate. They hovered at the end of the platform when they realised I wasn’t going to follow them (I had places to be) and with the tube doors safely shut and the train moving they chased after my carriage to shout abuse and give me the finger to which I slowly and simply drew my finger across my neck and pointed to the brat holding his sweet damaged eye.
One-nil to a thirty year old man threatening 16 year old boys…