Friday, 13 April 2007

Going Back Over Old Ground

Over the Easter break I went back to my hometown of Nottingham, mainly to see the legend that is Kirky (who now even has his own blog) and to also see some young people I used to teach (and their offspring, as two of the girls have had beautiful, baby boys).

I also went back with a view to visiting some places that I’d not been to in a while that had some personal resonance with me and in visiting them I made a shocking discovery: they don’t mean much anymore.

It all felt a bit tired, distant and desperate, raking over old coals in order to garner some vague sense of long gone past adventures, trials and tribulations. I started to regret even visiting those places, it was like they didn’t belong to me anymore, war memorials and battlegrounds that were so woven into who I am that I didn’t need to visit the damn places in the first place, after all, I carry them all the time. Something felt mawkish and sentimental about the whole episode, forced entertainment.

I don’t think I’ll be going back to Nottingham for a long time and I certainly won’t be going on any self-guided tours to dig up ghosts that should’ve been laid to rest a long time ago. They need to be left there, in peace and in my heart.

8 comments:

  1. I get the same when I go home as well. weird innit?

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  2. I know what you mean. I decided to stop harping on old places in life and to go to new places from now on.

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  3. Yes, I remember that feeling when I used to live in Denmark and come home to visit my family. It all felt so distant and not much a part of who I was.
    Now? I don't feel like that anymore because I guess Nottingham feels like my home...for now.It's also a similar feeling I get when I've been on school reunions - like people are trying to force entertainment and the like. Hate school reunions, I really do!

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  4. Going home makes me feel oversized (even physically), and sad.

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  5. COuld have told me you were in town you slag...

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  6. I too have done the same only to find some bad shit cropping up in my mind,Sometimes its best to let those memories sleep well deep inside.

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  7. It didn't feel like forced entertainment to me. It was nice to see where you grew up. It's such a big part of you, I'm glad you felt you could share it with me.
    xx

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  8. Edie: nice comment, I like your phrasing.

    Doogie: sorry dude, I love you man!

    Eva-Jane: Thank you. xxxx

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