Tuesday, 3 June 2008

Who is the World’s Worst Dictator?

The bathroom sink was leaking at our flat, so we called up the guy who helped us do a lot of the work on our place last year called Abror, who also happens to be from Uzbekistan. This led to me discovering the world’s worst dictator…

Uzbekistan has a pretty bad leader, number 9 on Parade’s list of the world’s worst dictators in fact: Islam Karimov. Abror and I discussed his terrible human rights infringements; indeed one of the reasons Abror left with his family was this nasty little man, who of course had many years of support from the Bush regime who found his willingness to torture “enemy combatants” very useful in the war on a noun. Brilliant.

Parade’s top 20 of dictators makes for interesting reading; the old faces are still sadly present: North Korean loon Kim Jong-il, the epitome of a mad dictator Robert Mugabe who is literally starving his country to death, the real problem in Iran, Sayyid Ali Khamenei, Libya’s Muammar al-Qaddafi (although his attempts to sidle up the US government via oil exports is quite stomach turning), Syria’s Bashar al-Assad who looks the least like a dictator and more like an accountant and Fidel Castro’s brother Raul.

Aside from our great ally Islam Karimov, we have other pals on the list of evil: King Abdullah, who rules that epitome of backwardness that is Saudi Arabia, has oil (and awful facial hair) so does what he wants to the people of his nation, indeed Saudi Arabia has one of the most female repressive regimes in the entire world. The West pretend to not like Hu Jintao and the cruel Chinese Communist powerhouse but we need their goods and money more than ever to prop up our economies and we even gave the bastards the Olympics, which just about takes the biscuit considering the Chinese utilize forcible abortions and control all aspects of thier citizens life.

Another top buddy on the list is Pervez Musharraf, who has suspended Pakistan’s constitution, closed the courts and had political opponents killed, Bush of course said: “Musharraf has advanced democracy in Pakistan.” Our final homie on the list is Hosni Mubarak, who often slips under the radar as an utter cunt because he’s been at it for so long but don’t forget that he loves to torture and has ruled Egypt under ‘Emergency Law’ (thereby bypassing all human rights and civil liberties) for 27 years. Once again, brilliant.

Africa, unfortunately, has far too many names on the list, aside from Mugabe it includes: Idriss Deby of Chad who luckily for him is oil rich so his errors are forgiven, Meles Zenawi in Ehiopia who constantly wars with another awful dictator in Eritrea Isaias Afewerki. Knocked off the top spot to number two is Sudan’s Omar al-Bashir, who is currently overseeing one of the world’s worst genocides and humanitarian calamities. Bringing up the rear are two very bizarre African rulers, Swaziland’s King Mswati III who is the last absolute monarch in Africa and has overseen the largest rise in AIDS/HIV on the planet as well as crippling any efforts at democracy. Teodoro Obiang Nguema, whose regime in Equatorial Guinea is one of the world’s most corrupt, oppressive and undemocratic, joins him on the mentalist list because not only does he boast about being a cannibal but he says things like: “I am God and I’m in permanent contact with the Almighty…I can decide to kill without anyone calling me to account and without going to hell.” It goes without saying that Condoleezza Rice met with him and wants to build a working realtionship to establish alternate oil sources...

If so many people weren’t dying because of all this, it’d be funny…


  1. You don't hear anymore the neoconservative rhetoric about democracy, after Palestine voted.

  2. I was actually compared to Robert Mugabe by some bloke on the Internet once because of the way I ran a website. I don't remember trying to starve my board members though...so I think he might have been mistaken. Mugabe has a groovy moustache and if you spell his name backwards it comes out "E - ba gum!" (I've been telling that gag since the early 1980s and I heard it on a TV show the other day - some bastard stole my only joke).

  3. Darren: you should do a routine as Mugabe, perhaps black up?

  4. uhm...the bit about Mubarrak is brilliant. Not so often one sees him counted among world dictators. Happy to have seen awareness rising. I'm planning to blog about his glorious reign soon!



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