Monday, 1 December 2008

Zero: a Backstage Guide

One of the first things you'd have seen when you got backstage at Zero, was the large poster of Barack Obama and his family that we put up the day he won, when we were in Glasgow, it was there to inspire and to celebrate and occasionally I'd touch it like a lucky charm before I went on.

During the 24 performances of the tour, inspired by other shows I'd done, we kept a "Scores on the Doors", a record of marks for each of the gigs we did. We didn't hit nine as often as we'd have liked and the low point was a 5/10 in Nottingham when we seemingly forgot half the script.

Other lowlights were the day I did my back in by acting too vigorously, the swamp that was fucking Newbury and the soulless evil of Taunton; which was nowhere near as lovely as we all thought it'd be.

Highlights were our first 8/10 in Warwick and the beginning of hitting the groove, our night of redemption in Notts (in spite of most of the audience having hacking coughs), intimacy at York and Oxford, as well as 9/10 in Lincoln (even though no fucker was there to see it) and Glasgow.

Editors note: "Dem Yout and Spaz" refers to the show in Kendal being watched mainly by teenagers and teenagers with learning difficulties...

Being slightly autistic I then added up our scores and came up with the above aggregate...

I think this picture speaks volumes, not only of our mental state of health but also our sense of humour.

Our company stage manager, Jo James, found this image and rather thought it looked like Adeel who played the Major. We all agreed apart from Adeel has more bitches than that hovering around him, such is his universal appeal to the ladies...

Speaking of Adeel, here is a record of some of his cock-ups with the lines that made him the George Best that he is.

Here too, is a record of some of our in-joke humour and the legend that is TEAM ZERO.

Who says actors are thick, myopic, self-centred individuals that need windows pointing out to them so that the audience don't catch them getting changed/reading a book/drawing on the set?

Finally, we carried on the "Scores on the Doors" concept to the 3 week run in the West End of London Town and our 17 shows there. As you can see we really were very consistent at being very bloody good indeed, with only one blip and that was a 7/10.

Just to clear a few things up: "Mr. Hudson Became Spent" refers to Stephen nearly killing himself via the method of serious acting and had to have a good sit down and a glass of water after. "Lyn Was In..." refers to The Guardian reviewer Lyn Gardner being in to see it and liking it, while "There's a Party Going On..." was a reflection on the amount of noise being made front-of-house at the theatre and "Carry On Up The Zero" a reference to a particularly funny show and audience switched on to the comedy.

I'd like to add that the 17th show in London got 10/10 and a standing ovation and for all you stats fans out there that meant that our time in London garnered us 144/170, at an average of 8.47 per show.

Isn't it...


  1. I like that photo of you when you had hair. Hey, I posted at again.

    I am a shit. I know.

  2. That post you commented on wasn't mine, as it's a group blog. As an actor, have you ever worked with people who don't understand your creative sensibility? Ever work with people who just want to kill the art?

  3. You are not a shit, no fear. I link to that group blog of yours so I check it out whenever it gets updated.

    And I know the post I commented on wasn't yours, sometimes I have summat to say and sometimes I don't.

    And as for the last bit of your comment, of course I have (not on Zero may I add), that's the joy of making art, those differences. It'd be so dull if we al made the same kinda stuff.


  4. Dude, me and the missus loved Zero. We had plenty to talk about on the train home and it was great catching up with you.

    Well done, and there's always a sadness at the end of a successful endeavour... so I look forward to that motivating your next one.

    Cheers bro

  5. Thanks Doogie, great words, fine words and very true ones at that.


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