Monday, 9 March 2009

What Are The Chances?

There is a part of the show in Poles Apart where I get a couple from the audience to join Mark (playing Polish waiter Tomasz) and I on stage. The idea is that the couple will get to experience Polish culture and cuisine in an amusing way and it's always a real highlight of the show; as you never know what will happen.

However, on Saturday, we were in Goole, which is blessed with a great theatre but is one of the shittest places in Britain...anyway, I digress.

Selecting people from the audience is always fraught with danger, in Poles Apart the main aim is to not pick a Polish couple (which is hard as they often make up 25% of our audience) as getting them to experience Poland is pretty pointless, the next aim is then to choose someone who will not say no and the final aim is to pick the winning couple that will take the banter in the good will it is intended and bring the house down.

On Saturday, I managed to pick a mute.

Yes, that's right, I selected someone who was unable to speak and had their voice box removed. What are the fucking chances of that?

In a blind panic and then turned to another couple to come on stage and they point blank refused, in desperation I went for a guy and his wife who I'd already struck up a rapport with and thankfully, they agreed.

What are the odds on me picking a deaf, dumb and blind boy who sure plays a mean pinball, tomorrow?


  1. At least he couldn't bad mouth you... He should be a presenter on CBeebies with the one-armed bint. Oh yeah!

  2. Daniel, it's all character building stuff my dear, trust me! Strange when these little gems of nightmares happen but I reckon you did grand anyway!

  3. Darren:

    You should try stand-up boss. And bint is a great word...


    I agree but I am fearful that tonight I may pick on a mong...

  4. Once, when I was very young and in need of money, I DJed a rock'n'roll dance competition sponsored by a city radio station. It was up to me to choose songs in the opening freestyle round. I chose Willie and the Hand Jive for one couple... without realising that the gentleman who was expected to lead this dance had only one arm.

    But at least I had a turntable deck to hide behind.

  5. Speaking of gaffs, I left a hurried comment here.

  6. How odd Ren, never even seen that blog before, even when I googlewhack Blurred Clarity.

  7. fascinating.. keep it up dude.. =)


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