Tuesday, 21 April 2009

Dick Cheney Hearts Torture, Torture Hearts Him Back

You've got to laugh, otherwise you'd cry your eyes out until your heart was empty.

President Obama has put the fear of God up the CIA after releasing all the Bush torture memos, even though he made it clear there was an amnesty on such terrible acts, he felt compelled to go visit the CIA and make them feel better for being a bunch of torturing twats; blindly following directives by bad lawyers and, of course, Dick fucking Cheney. The fact that one prisoner alone was water boarded some 266 times is bad enough but Dick Cheney, surprise surprise, wades in like a fat, cancerous whale with horns into blood stained waters.

The aim of this horrific wading was to appear on Fox News (they must be so proud) and demand the release of the all the wonderful success stories of torture and water boarding.

Read that bit again.

Torture works folks, it never has in the past and every security source discredits it as a useful means of acquiring quality and timely strategic information but heck, that Dick Cheney knows his torture onions, I mean, think of his poor fucking wife and what she's had to go through. Cheney doesn't even show any signs of remorse, he even goes as far as to describe torture as enormously valuable, which is a term you might use to refer to your friendly dog keeping you company through your recuperation after your fourth heart attack but not the repeated simulated drowning of prisoners.

In fact, I got the title of this post wrong, Cheney has no fucking heart left.

I feel bad for Obama, he inherited such a terrible legacy, like a glorious, surging attacking midfielder running onto an awful, 50/50 ambulance pass; that if he pulls out of will make him look weak and if he takes it on, he'll end with a career ending cruciate ligament injury.

What would you do?

4 comments:

  1. What would I do?

    I dunno. But waterboarding sounds like fun...whenever I hear the name I just want to throw up my arms, arch my head back and scream "Whhheeeeee!" as if I was riding a white knuckle ride at the fun fair.

    I guess we could always kidnap some innocent muslims, video ourselves as we cut off their heads with a very small blunt knife and then post the footage on the Internet?

    Oh wait a minute...that doesn't work either...

    Touche!

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  2. I do love how the handy hints and tips sheet points out that the CIA use cellophane - like its for the amateur water-boarders out there.

    "Oh noo. Dave, I forgot the cloth."

    "Don't worry Bob, says here that the CIA use cellophane. The Missus made me some sandwiches this morning so I should have a square of cling film just about big enough."

    All joking aside, maybe we could test how effective these methods are by applying them to Mr Cheney himself. We know that he doesn't think the Bush Administration did a bad job, but I bet we could get him to say that they did - thus proving that the victims of torture will say anything to make it stop...

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  3. I'll just go down to the lovely post about gnomes loving each other. This shit makes me too upset. What a fucking ass.

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  4. Darren and Beth:

    Humour in torture, it is definately there and you have to laugh otherwise it really is too cruel and unusual.

    Ellie:

    Now you can scroll up to a tache.

    ReplyDelete

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