Wednesday, 8 July 2009

"If I Die, I Die" If Only...

I'm kidding, I wouldn't wish death on anyone, not even some one as evil as Sarah Palin but, to be fair to me, she did let slip those fateful words from her lips regarding her bizarre abdication from her post as Governor of Alaska.

Naturally, it was God who told her to leave her job.

Her political death, if not her real one, is a tantalising prospect and it seems that her actions have split an already wonderfully divided, bickering and tedious GOP; whose main mouthpiece, FOX, has already called out Sarah Palin as "inarticulate and undereducated with no credentials for any job."

Funny that when everyone else was saying that, they were sexist, liberal, fascists holding back the tide of real change in it goes.

The Guardian has a wonderful take on the situation with "Sarah Palin: The Musical", which I include here in all it's glory, along with a video of Matt Damon taking Sarah Palin down...

Act One

Backstage at the end of the 1984 Miss Alaska pageant. Two girls are discussing the ceremony. There are polar bears and moose everywhere. Enter Sarah, wearing a bronze sash.

First girl: "Well done, Sarah! You were awesome!"

Sarah (relieved): "Gee, thanks, Miss Ninilchik. I was really worried for a second. I thought I blew it on the overcoat round."

Second girl: "No way. Ever since you were head of the Fellowship of Christian Athletes in high school, you've always had something special. So how are you going to use your new power?"

Sarah (determined, becoming wistful): "I'm going to run for political office. First I want to be the mayor of my home town of Wasilla. Then … who knows?"

Second girl: "But Sarah, God gave you the third best swimsuit-to-personality ratio in Alaska! Don't throw it all away!"

Sarah: "I have to. I cannot rest while wildlife gambols wantonly around our fair state."

First girl: "But do you think the townspeople are ready for your unique brand of neo-medieval impro-babble?"

Sarah: "I don't know, Miss Pilot Station. I just don't know."

Together, they sing Jesus, Help Me Cleanse the Tundra.

Act Two

The 2008 Republican National Convention. Thousands of cheering people.

Sarah: "Do you know the difference between a hockey mom and a pitbull? Lipstick."

Wild laughter. Sarah descends from the podium and is grasped by an aide.

Aide: "Sarah, Sarah! There's just a few days until the financial crisis starts. What are we going to do?"

Sarah: "You can actually see Russia from land, here in Alaska."

Aide: "All right, we'll come back to that. I'm also worried that, as governor of Alaska, you may have knowingly permitted a situation to continue where impermissible pressure was placed on several subordinates in order to advance a personal agenda."

Sarah: "Alaska isn't a foreign country, you know. I read all the newspapers and magazines."

Aide: "What?"

Sarah: "It's all about job creation."

Aide: "Yes, but …"

Sarah sings The Bridge to Somewhere.


  1. I'd do Palin. I reckon she's really dirty...

  2. She just figures, why take on so much responsibility, when Ann Coulter gets paid as much, and doesn't have responsibilities.

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  4. Palin has a history of quitting, when jobs are not fun. I believe she went to three colleges.

  5. Darren:

    We'd all do her and yes, she's dirty.


    The idea of her doing a Palin is fun, as she is a lot funnier.



  6. I just wish she'd go away. Although I must say that Saturday Night hasn't been nearly as much fun lately. And they're on hiatus now, so no hope of a resignation skit tonight.

  7. Hereinfranklin:

    Who would we laugh at if she went away?


    Don't be hard on yourself youth!


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