Sunday, 6 December 2009

"Excuse Me, I Go Fuck"

Well that was a hell of a lot of fun, a few days in Milan making a new commercial for IKEA and it was ruddy, bloody grand.

It was such a good trip because the other actor I was working with, Danny Alder, was a real legend, such a nice guy and great to work with, especially as I've had some bad times with really unprofessional actors in the past. Danny was a real pro but also on the same wavelength, so we could make the shoot as much fun as possible...I tip my metaphorical hat to you sir and hope we stay in touch!

I can't give much away about the shoot so can't post pictures and whatnot yet but will do so when the advert is live over in Italy, needless to say it was great fun with the bonus of some fine Italian food on offer 24/7, which we indulged in quite heavily. I've never seen people use olive oil so excessively on just about every damn thing and so much bloody cake! Breakfast was like: cake, chocolates, fruit, some more cake and coffee. And the pizza...Jesus wept, it was some very good shit indeed, as you'd expect.

Danny and I also managed to cram in the Milan sights but missed out on the San Siro, which was a shame but hope to see a football game there one day before I die.

The funniest moments of the shoot came whenever Danny and I had to speak Italian, which they will of course dub but we needed to get the mouth shapes right for the Italian actor doing it. Needless to say we were shitting our pants, surrounded by an Italian crew (lovely people and really on it, no flannel at all) viewing our efforts with a mix of disgust and car-crash horror as we mangled their language right up. It was pretty embarrassing but the worse moment came when I had to deliver the following line:

"Scusa, ma devo scappare."

What I didn't know was that a slight tweak to how you pronounce the word 'scappare' can make the Italian word for escape become the Italian word for fuck...

Little surprise then after one take that as soon as the director shouted cut, the crew burst out into hysterical laugher, that's right folks, I had just said:

"Excuse me, I go fuck"

I love this job.


  1. Well, needs must and all that. At least you were polite! ;)

  2. Sounds like you enjoyed it. What do you think of Italy now? Sounds like you should try Italian for impressing the ladies...

  3. Sounds like a great trip. A commercials a good way to make a living these days? I remember a friends ex-husband was in a BT ad for about 5 seconds and didnt have to work for a year. That was a long time ago though and I assume (or is that presume??!?) that times have changed.

    Shame you didnt get to see some footie.

  4. "So anything off-topic, diversionary, trollish, abusive, misogynist, racist, homophobic or xenophobic will be deleted."

    Sounds like a challenge to me!

  5. As long as you didn't scarper after you'd said it.

  6. Beth:

    I may be many things but I am always polite!


    Loved it, although not sure about going back to Milan, it was mainly shops and the central square.


    Commercials pay very well and are great fun to do and you make useful contacts, it certainly pays the bills.


    No, I stayed and took the abuse.

  7. The pleasure was without doubt all mine Mr H-G. You are a true scholar and a gentleman.

    The trip wouldn't have been anywhere near as fun and the gig itself no-where near as skillfully performed or professional without you.

    I raise a metaphorical glass to you ol' chum and here's to working together again sometime in the near future.

    Your cell-mate

    Danny Alder

  8. Brilliant! Will the advert be broadcast in the UK or is Italy only?

    BTW so true what you said about olive oil. Literally on every-single-thing!

  9. Danny:

    Great of you to stop by mate, good luck with everything both professional and personal and hope to see you soon.


    Italy only Claude but it was a cracker and glad you get the olive oil thang.

  10. Your knack with words inspired me to create this. Please feel free to delete. I am rather fond of the fact that "United" is the dominant message, given your particular international causes/interests/humor--not to mention the real reason it appears so large (Manchester United). "Much screaming" also seems apt, and "lost/without/night" is quite poetic hovering at the top. Enjoy.

    [P.S. I simply refuse to type the word kafir as a verification that I am human. What ingrate programmed this friculn word verification system??]

  11. Jessica, thanks so much, that is perfect and I really appreciate that, apologies for the kafir word verification.


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Blurred Clarity has a stringent comments policy. So anything off-topic, diversionary, trollish, abusive, misogynist, racist, homophobic or xenophobic will be deleted.

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