Friday, 26 March 2010

5 Years of Railing Against the Dying of the Light


I find celebrating blogging anniversaries a little vulgar and self-indulgent but what the hell, this one passed a while back, I've never blown me own trumpet before and it only just occurred to me, so I thought I'd leave a marker here.

On the 2nd of March 2005 Blurred Clarity came into existence and it's been going strong (with brief intermissions of resting) ever since.

It has always been personal here, with plenty of swearing, politics, silly pictures and as much a record of my life these past five years as it is anything else. A document of all I love and hate. Some of the archives make for painful reading, some naive, some just awfully put together but they will stand, I delete and re-edit nothing. Some of them however are damn fine writing.

Not many of those that were with me 5 years ago are with me now, a few early subscribers are still knocking about, most have left ghost town blogs, trapped in 2007, little echoes of friendships and lives that still occasionally send a curious visitor my way. A real trip down memory lane.

Here's to the next five years...

Anyway, yesterday I was shooting out in West London, a new commercial for VW and it was a big budget affair with a great director who also comes from Notts (we get everywhere, I tell you, we are the future) and it was a blast, it'll be a fine spot on British TV and cinema and I look forward to seeing how it turns out.

After I'd done, about midnight, I was driven away from the set and back home and as the houses flew by me and London slipped past I was hit by some heavy melancholy. At first I thought it was the way the extras, who had been deemed surplus to requirements, had been let go; there was a sadness there that kinda struck me. But I was lying to myself, it was guilt, guilt at how far I've come and those that I've left behind...but no, not guilt, it was just a deep sadness, sadness based on missing your best friend who would've loved to share all of this with you and who...just whisper it, was probably a better actor than you.

But what can I do about that, he made his choices and I made mine, here I stand and I'll be damned if I'll not savour every second of this amazing adventure.

7 comments:

  1. Unfortunately, we always tend to leave someone behind. My only true friend submitted to drugs at 15, threw away his chance with his o-level exams and then flunked out, while I carried on to University, etc. I last saw him in the early 90s by accident at Walthamstow bus station, and he was very worse for wear. I felt very bad that I couldn't do more, but he wouldn't have dragged me down too.

    But this guy was the most talented guitarist (could play anything by ear), artist and writer I ever knew. I was in total awe of him and he made me feel strangely average in comparison.

    I never really had any close friends after that because we were on the same wavelength and I've never met anyone that brilliant ever since.

    But you keep on going and ever so often you remember them and the good times and ignore the bad. It's the only way to honour them, I guess.

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  2. Congratulations on the 5 years. That's a lot of archives to sift through - you could do a 'Best & Worst Of Blurred Clarity'. If that was your thing of course.

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  3. Daniel, I hope you dont mind me asking but ... do you ever link to other blogs on yours? I'm really trying to get more traffic down my way you see. So am just on the look out for fellow bloggers who don't mind popping a link on there page to mine. I would defenatly do the same back like!
    If not, thats cool bud! No worries!

    Jessica x

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  4. Darren:

    Spot on sir, spot on, great and thoughtful words as always and I can really connect with this:

    "I never really had any close friends after that because we were on the same wavelength and I've never met anyone that brilliant ever since."

    I feel exactly the same and you're right on how we honour them.

    Highlander:

    Cheers man, that's a real idea on the best and worst front, if I get time I will give it a shot.

    OMR:

    Cheers bloglord.

    Jessica Harper:

    I have links all done the right hand side of my blog and yes, by all means I'll add you and if you do the same, aslong as you blog often otherwise I get rid of folks that take a 6 month sabbatical.

    Link swap it is then duck!

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  5. I was curious about the idea of blog longevity, so I checked mine; it is apparently 4 years and 3 weeks old give or take an hour or two, and 275 published posts. I guess that averages out at slightly better than 1 a week. Not that anyone else would have noticed, nor had I given the statistic much thought, much less attributed it as having anniversary like qualities. There's a chance I'll not think about it again. Five years does seem a little more significant though and your output rather more prolific. I admire the stamina of it all, I must admit.

    As for friends and acquaintances, I seem to have the knack of losing them, like so many socks, behind the nearest convenient hot water tank, mainly due to 'career' moves. School friends lost to joining the RAF, colleagues there lost to civilian life in Lancashire, that in turn lost to Saudi Arabia. No doubt before too long that will be lost to the next inevitable move. I can count not a single life-long friend, and my family haven't been within walking distance for over 30 years and these days I guess I know precious little about what makes them tick. Knowing where they are seems to be the crutch I rest my relationships with people on, but I do wonder whether that's enough. Then again, I seems to know all these people on the internet really well...

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  6. Chris:

    I don't usually bother with such things but 5 years did strike me as a long time and yes, the output has been voluminous, not quite sure how I make the time for it but being an actor helps I reckon. I want to go back and read some old stuff and pick out some high and lowlights.

    Thanks for your comment regarding friends, really appreciate it, heartfelt stuff and the bit about Internet comrades rang true.

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