Monday, 29 June 2009

I was on in Edinburgh

You may recall that last year I got my first feature film role, it went on to have it's world premiere at the Tribeca Film Festival this year and went down very well indeed by all accounts.

'My Last Five Girlfriends' got featured on NBC New York who had it as one of their picks, the London Evening Standard highlighted it as the next possible Slumdog Millionaire and it picked up some great reviews here, here and here. Even Monsters and Critics liked it.

From the success at Tribeca it secured distribution with Media 8, which should hopefully mean that it will be winging its way to your local cinema screens very soon indeed; no matter where you freaking live!


And then, to top it off, the movie has just featured at the highly prestigious Edinburgh International Film Festival.


Then last night, whilst Googling the movie, I stumbled upon the trailer on YouTube but it was prefaced by David Schwimmer saying how much he wanted to see it! That's right people, David Schwimmer talking about how much he wants to see a movie I'm in.


Friday, 26 June 2009

The Horror of Iran

I have kept silent on the terrible situation in Iran because, quite frankly, I don't have an answer, or a 'take' or really an idea of what should be done and the best way for us, as in the West, to respond.

Should we merely make vocal claims of support, shouting across the Elburz Mountains to be dismissed as interfering Westerners, sowing seeds of selfish regime change and perhaps scuppering the chance for some level of reform? Or should we engage in diplomatic tit-for-tats, discuss sanctions and shake our heads disapprovingly at the way the protesters are being suppressed so violently, when we ourselves struggle with handling public displays of disaffection?

I have no idea but I do know that any Western involvement will only cause harm and even without it, those in power in Iran use the West as a whipping boy to terrify and galvanise it's followers.

Regime change is not our place, even though watching the protesters being killed, beaten and treated so terribly makes me feel desperate to do something to help them, makes the fire of indignation rise up...but surely Iran must go on it's own journey and be all the better for it. Intervention will not bring lasting change (see Iraq for reference).

I don't even know to what degree the election was fixed, I have a feeling that some of it was hashed but I also know the West has underestimated the lack of appetite for reform in the vast majority of the country, which for all intents and purposes is quite conservative.

I wasn't even going to blog on it, until the crisis in Iran got it's media martyr in Neda Agha-Soltan, it's very own YouTube horror story, a young female protester who was shot dead and whose last moments; as the blood runs from her mouth and nose, were captured on film, a document of the very real cost of protesting in Iran, a crushing and heartbreaking reminder of how high the stakes are to many Iranians and what thousands are willing to risk in order to voice their pain at this stolen election.

Oh the horror, oh the utter horror...

Tuesday, 23 June 2009

The Stall

I made a short film with some lovely people a few weeks ago, as part of the Virgin Media Shorts Competition, it was a right laugh to shoot and I was hoping it was going to turn out very well indeed and it has.


It features myself as a deranged fruit and veg stall holder and the legend that is Martin Collins as the customer/victim, his performance is one of nuanced beauty and wonder with subtle touches of humour...whilst mine represents a terrible old ham falling down a big hill.

Watch it, like it (perhaps even love it), rate it and fingers crossed we win.

Friday, 19 June 2009


Seriously, the Internet should have restrictions on using it if you are the following:
  • An idiot
  • A racist
  • Mentally ill
  • A homophobe
  • All of the above put together in one terrible human mistake
Let's leave it with the ODB to put ya'll straight...

Wednesday, 17 June 2009

Milton Keynes Communists

I was over at A Very Public Socialist and Phil BC was blogging about socialist blogs that we may have missed, turning us on to new voices and whatnot. So I read through the post and my eye was immediately caught by a blog, wonderfully entitled: Milton Keynes Communists.

I don't know what it was, perhaps the juxtaposition of a big idea like Communism and the epitome of averageness, middle of the road and middle-class Britain in Milton Keynes (a town that would be a city) but I started to laugh uncontrollably.

My mind turned to Citizen Smith, a wonderful British sitcom about a young Trotskyist, living in the suburbs who attempts to lead a bunch of fellow urban revolutionaries, who are in reality are a small and ineffectual group of his pals, towards a South London version of the Cuban Revolution.

I imagined the Communists of Milton Keynes gathering on one of the many roundabouts the town is blessed with and having a meeting, or handing out flyers at the monolithic train station; indeed, Milton Keynes' architecture is a bit Communist so perhaps it makes sense their seems to be an enclave of Communism there.

I immediately felt bad for laughing and so investigated their website.

I found phrases such as "scams, yogurts and loopholes"; "left deformity" and "terminally sick moralistic campaign" as well as the slightly alarming idea of a Communist University.

I have no doubt that they are a good bunch of people with many values I share, I also have no doubt that Milton Keynes Communists would make for a great sitcom.

Tuesday, 16 June 2009

Ian and Ronaldo Again

Future Father-in-Law (hopefully) sent me this to add to this one here, from the shoot of a new commercial that Ian is directing and Ronaldo is making the tea in...only joking and allegedly, the blue screen behind them is a whole new type of blue screen never used before.

How cool is that?

Ian has promised to post me Ronaldo's socks (washed, which I can't decide if that's a good or bad thing) as a keepsake, before the greasy bastard takes the money and ambles off to Real Madrid like the cheating lover he is.

The bastard.

I still love you Ronaldo and you are forgiven...

Monday, 15 June 2009

Is the BNP Racist?

The short answer is, of course, yes but for a lovely deconstruction of the BNP's tired argument that they are not a bunch of daft racists, please visit this wonderful guide entitled 'Is the BNP racist?'.

Also, on the BNP are racists front, Sim-O has a glorious exposé on the retarded, bigoted idiocy of newly elected MEP Andrew Brons, who, obviously considering he is a racist, has decided that multiple Olympiad and overall athletics genius Dame Kelly Holmes DBE is not really British.

He states that: "I don't accept the term Black British or Asian British. Britons are the indigenous peoples of these isles." and goes on to vomit that British born Kelly Holmes is "only partially from this country, even if she is an integrated member of the community."

I'd be laughing a lot harder right now at the stupidity of them all and their voters, if some 900,000 Brits hadn't voted for them...


Friday, 12 June 2009

All (Insert Word Here) Will Burn in Hell

I was working in a school yesterday, I will not mention it by name but it is a faith school, or more precisely, a Muslim school.

I've only ever taught in a Muslim school once before, some time ago, girls only if I recall but the work I was doing was related to creative writing, so the issues that arose yesterday were no where to be seen.

It was an odd remit from the start, to work with the children on prejudice but we were forbidden from dealing with homophobia, there was also sensitivity around mentioning equality between men and women. This did not bode well and felt hypocritical and blinkered.

The sessions passed relatively normally, aside from the closing exercise, devised originally by Coretta Scott King, where various offensive sentences are read out loud but the object of each sentence is changed and the children respond with how it makes them feel. If it upsets them or makes them angry, they raise their hands and if they agree, they are to touch their ears.

When the key word used in the prejudiced sentences was Black, or Disabled Person, or White; the hands shot into the air but when the key word was switched to Jew, something quite disturbing happened: a few hands moved to ears.

Anti-Semitism in nine year old children is never nice to see, even if it is unthinking, learned behaviour from parents and family but our job is to challenge, gently of course, such perceptions. The exercise is clever in that we can compare and contrast the reactions to the other key words, the rest of the sentence is the same and unpick why it is different for Jews.

The answers showed a moral absolutism, a resistance to the idea that this particular group should be exempt from prejudice and so, as a last straw, the word Muslim was used in the prejudiced statements to draw the connection between anti-Semitism and Islamophobia. The response to the use of the word Muslim in the statements was visceral, understandably because when the prejudiced lie is about you directly, it hurts all the more.

I was amazed to see that a hardcore still refused to accept the connection, that abuse of Jews was somehow justified based, no doubt in their young minds, on Jewish past actions. Indeed, it was the classic dehumanisation of the 'enemy' to fully enable hatred but in humans so young, it was a profoundly disturbing and distressing experience.

Tuesday, 9 June 2009

Ian and Ronaldo

This is a picture of my (hopefully) future father-in-law directing Cristiano Ronaldo in a new commercial.

I put this up here because not only I am oddly proud Ian works with such people (and jealous, if I hadn't been away in Saint Lucia, I would have offered my services as a tea-maker and general set-bitch) but also because the only downside of Saint Lucia was having to watch my team, Manchester United, play like a bunch of mongbats against Barcelona in the Champions League Final.

The crowing of the local lads, who for some reason were decked out in Barca shirts, only made it worse. Eva accused me on being a hooligan and one of the reasons why I've stopped watching football, is that I find it hard to control myself and end up shouting prefuse abuse towards the TV/football pitch.

And what ever advice Ian is giving Ron in that photo, it sure as hell didn't work out that well for the bloody final...

Monday, 8 June 2009

Will Obama Catch Evil off of Dr. Henry Kissinger?

Let us hope not but the sheer volume of disembodied skulls and remains of dead children that follow Dr. Henry Kissinger around could possibly rub off on Obama, due to sheer weight of their numbers and invest him with serious evil ju-ju.

I think to be on the safe side, Obama should quarantine Dr. Henry Kissinger in some kind of concrete bunker and never go anywhere near him again. He was after all the man who said the following:
"I don't see why we need to stand by and watch a country go communist due to the irresponsibility of its people. The issues are much too important for the Chilean voters to be left to decide for themselves."
"The illegal we do immediately. The unconstitutional takes a little longer."
And in more bad news today, the people of Yorkshire and Humberside, as well as the North West got an MEP they clearly deserve, when they foolishly voted in members of the BNP to represent them. Yes, that's right, the party whose policies come down to blame everything on the foreigners and don't engage with the outside world at all, like backwards, isolationist fucks; have people who'll vote for them.

Actually, less people voted for them in this Euro election but due to the spread of the vote, it was enough to get them two MEPs and, horrifically, over 900,000 people voted for the BNP. This may not seem much in a nation that boosts some 61 million people and yes, they did come behind the Green Party but it is 900,000 too many.

Something inside has died...

Friday, 5 June 2009

While I was Away...

(Little Hitler courtesy of Tim at Bloggerheads)

As many of you may recall, before I set off on me hols I'd got myself in all kinds of bother on the Internet. I was grateful that I was away for a couple of weeks, with limited Internet access and no inclination to blog; surely, I thought, everything would die down in my absence.


It seems that some BNP (I'm not linking to them but if you didn't know the BNP is a far-right, racist political group in the UK) supporters took a shine to me, either turned onto my presence by other bloggers or by reading my comments somewhere else.

Hence the comment moderation while I was away, as every day, give or take, they'd try and comment with homophobic, anti-Semitic or just plain nasty little barbs. All the while suggesting that the BNP were "coming for me", which I think can be taken to mean a party of idiots, striving for legitimacy, may attack an innocent citizen for no reason.

Cool. That's one way to win my vote I suppose...

Anyway, I eventually turned comments off all together, which led one of the racists to actually email me, which was great because with this evidence in my sweaty mitt, I could begin the process of getting them into trouble for harassing me. For now, in the face of this, it has fallen silent. I doubt it'll last for long.

All this nonsense reminded me of how hard I laughed when the BNP lost their membership list and the racist bigots were outed all over the shop and then I found these...

Have a nice day!

Thursday, 4 June 2009

Post-Holiday Blues

I'm sat here at my freshly repaired PC at just gone ten in the morning desperately trying to put into words how wonderful my holiday was with Eva to Saint Lucia...and I'm failing badly.

Very badly.

I mean, I could trot out tired old phrases like paradise and heaven on earth and use the word amazing a lot but that just doesn't cut it; quite frankly, we didn't want to come home and I had the time of my life with the love of my life.

I've never been to the Caribbean before but if Saint Lucia is anything to go by it is one of the most glorious places on the face of the earth: sun, sea and plenty of rum/Brandy Alexanders! It was a much needed two weeks of perfect rest, the only down side being a crippling spell of post-holiday blues that is leaving me feeling depressed and low in confidence and energy.

I know I need to buck up, pull myself together and stop being such a fanny but I'm in quite a bit of a fug at present.

Still waiting on the photos to be developed, as we went old school with analog cameras but the images will be burnt onto disk too and of course I'll bang some up here, with the vain hope they'll capture some of the doubt they'll be better than my words.

No pressure, no problem.

Wednesday, 3 June 2009

Open Again...

Jet lag from the time of our lives in the paradise that is Saint Lucia, an overheated PC and the building of our conservatory have kept me from blogging but now I is back and in full effect.

More facts tomorrow.

Until then...